Death can only complete Life..

"Mom is in ICU" 

the first message I read when i was struggling to open my eyes on a lazy Sunday morning...  the message got my eyes wide open... 

Lotsa calls… back and forth..amongst all of us…

She is on ventilator.. Chances are bleak !!!  

WHAT !!!

Uncertainty..

Uncertainty of 'Life' ... !!! 

Come on.. It's me !! My life.. So controlled and stable.. 

Uncertainty can’t beat me or fight so hard ! 

“Mom”.. omg ! No…

Shitt !! Last I spoke to her was 2 days back..

Did I tell her… I care for her… did I tell her… how much I wanna thank her...guess, I din’t even express…how much I love her.. or rather, How much 'we' loved her.. All four of us.. 

Perhaps... We had taken her for granted.. Like most of us do.. Mom !!! after all !! 

I was cold ! A few real strong chills passed through the backbone… my body was shivering…while the mind was wandering….wandering like mad ! totally haywire…! Randomly travelling in between present, past and future…at a threatening speed…!!

Body shivered... !! Heart had sunk.. !! Throat was dry and I was speechless.. Commotion and its Resonance took over the peace…!!!

Amidst of all certainties around.. Here is a news, that had torn me apart...badly...

"Pray" 

"Pray ???" What ??? What do I pray for !!! 

Come on !! Tell me.... Help me... What do I pray for... !! 

For all 3 days we spent, while she was in there...With all those variety of machines attached to boost her life force... All variety of needles / tubes.. As if were carrying a message inside her body that...

“We're waiting for you, Aai.. Come back..”

“We will take care of you..No matter what”

While the life battle was on.. We were struggling hard to keep alive the positivity and exploring further possibilities.. N finally the moment comes when all anxieties, dilemmas and exploration comes to rest !!! 

Traumatic and devastated !!

Each of us is.. To see her Immovable.. Emotion less.. Life less... !!! 

‘Life’ comes to life with an ‘End’ planned!!!

Unaware and Ignorant, we silly beings are....having read and understood all…!!! 

Her journey came to an end.. And our journey started..

From that very point...

Journey through the ‘darkness’...which we never thought we had to cross..

Loss.. Getting used to life without her around..

A guilt of not expressing all that which we never expressed..things which were undone…

Just because we were waiting for the bloody “right time”….

Above all.. The Fear & Panic... started coming on surface...like those wild bubbles of a boiling water…totally out of control…making the evenings and nights appear Life Threatening... Monstrous... Devilish... So much so that nothing felt good.. !! 

Fear of the ‘Unknown’…. and Fear of the “Known” …too !!

"Pray" 

Pray?? Did you just say that... ?? 

Are you freaking mad ?? 

What prayer.. ??

Can i ?? How ?? The whole mind is so…so… full .. The heart is so full...

Full of Pain.. Panic.. Fear.. !!

Don’t you know.. I have just lost the best place.. Where I used to go when I used to feel such fear and panic... Now “What”…???  

"She is watching you ??"  "She is somewhere around ??"

"She would come back….!! Very soon…!!"

NO!!! STOPPP!!! 

That's not true !! 

Listen…. !! She is not gonna come back.. She is not watching me...

And she is not around too... I have seen that lifeless body… so immovable and cold !!

She is gone… ! She is gone forever… Never to return..!!

Her end was planned..it was destined...

Atleast now.. let me not get carried away with those delusions…

Atleast now, let me, learn to “Accept”….. Accept the moment as it is… Accept “Life” as it is… Embrace it with open heart…. In its true nature… with all its pains and pleasures…
let it now sink….let me now, absorb it… 

Atleast now, let me accept, the only certainty in life is "Death"..

Like the "period" in a beautifully articulated sentence... the full stop... Is what we all know it as... Can only complete the sentence.. and offers it the much needed wholesomeness and meaning.. 

Only “Death” completes life... And…

Gives birth to a New Life... 

Enough was been heard, read and intellectually processed inside the brain… but superficial it was all… ! It was someone else’s learning after all… some wise beings….

Now… was the time for me…

Time for ME to Face it ! Accept it ! 

Embrace it ! Live it !.....and make it a part of my being…of who I am !!

Exactly…. like the way mom is…… a part of my ‘being’ ! an essential and significant part of who I am !

Now, will happen the real “Prayer”….in Silence and Acceptance…

Love you mom always….

To the reader: I am sure, you may be able to slightly understand, what I have expressed here… but let me tell you, you will understand it and feel it only when you would experience it…

Trust me ! it’s the most substantial learning experience…!

Embrace it with open heart… ! Feel it and Above all… Live it !

March 13, happens to be Mom's Birthday... We had great plans to make her feel special on her 70th birthday..this year... but alas !! 

a wake up call...

I celebrate crowning glories of Me and Mine..

Laugh over and over

While I sip my wine..

I wish to Fly high

and roar in the sky

Hoping to discover new reasons for joy

Oblivious, I am..

of the shallowness and greed

Chained my soul in such illusory creed

Imprisoned I am..

in my own territory.

Castles I find, been built up in years,

made up of Thoughts, Morals and Fears.

I needed a PUSH.. !

But I m slapped really hard

It shakes me, breaks me and tears me apart .

Here I come closer to self…

As I Dive into the depth,

I catch every tear,

unveiling myself to each tiny fear.

Chaos it is, but a kind of wakeup call,

Now, it’s time for me to take a free fall..

Lost and lonely.. the mind is wandering …

Lost and lonely..the mind is wandering..

Directionless.. Aimless…

utterly Clueless..
The Commotion and its Resonance..
Deep down that I feel…
Isolates me from the social “me”..

Yes..!
So many of “me”s that I see in me..
Facing each other, not in peace..
Clatter & Clamour deep down in thoughts
Drenching the soul …
Tearing it apart…
Sometimes its moaning.. at times, a cunning laugh…


The Tides of darkness
incepting a fear…
carving an ugly scar
leaving me in despair…


Stranded me, yet dive again…
so sure, to find the HOPE within
The hope of Re-union…
Harmony and Peace
once emerged…
will refill me with Amity and Peace..

Every Night I dieee.....

Wearing a darker coat comes the night

Upon choosing to clasp, it starts appearing bright

Every night i die…
in d arms of fearless night…


Lost in d oneness… I see the soul…
flying like a kite…


It wanted be free… like nowhere to go..
None to see and nothing to show..

Companions they are…. of Timeless boundaries…
The sheer beauty of Zero…
and the purity of Soul…

The dawn then unfolds a whole new world…
Is it really new or its the magic of rejuvenated soul…

Feels… Nothing is as permanent as the beauty of “ZERO”…

Have you ever felt Zeroness within you… Whats it…??
I feel it at times…
Zero is blank…

not an absence….!! Rather, a space…
A state of mind… a feel… deep inside…
When I accept a loss… of something that I have been scared of loosing…. from a long time…
I feel Zeroness when I drop… drop… by choice !!!
Zero is a milestone of my journey from attachment to detachment…
Zero is not solitude inside… rather a discovery of harmony amongst a variety of chords in me…
Liberation of soul…
Zero is Solace… to eternity… !!!!

Toilet is one of the places where i feel more relaxed…

Do you agree with me.. ?
It sounds weird, but I think that’s where I can be myself…
Now, unlike guys… we girls get full privacy even when are doing our short programme ;-)

Well, jokes apart, the point here is, that is d time… those few minutes…noone is watching me… absolutely fearless… fear of being judged – for what I am doing and/or how I am doing…. ;-) a good peace of mind…
It’s is like… being with my “real” self… in real sense…
I can confront…
I can smile for no reasons...
Can smile how relaxed it feels after offloading everything…
And so do dam refreshing… like they say “Essey Bada Sukh nahin…”

Don’t know why it is like that, Biologically or psychologically…

But I am just thinking do we need such a place (toilet kinda) in our everyday life… Where we can be ourselves… where we can offload all the unwanted things… thoughts… nd yess… To offload, we will first need to learn Accept and Realize…
we can face d real “SELF”….. without any shame…
I don know if that place is our house… mom’s hug… temple… church... ??? Or may be TOILET it real sense…

But yess.... Pls FLUSH....
I am sure if that happens… Our Each day will start with a Refreshed SELF and mind…

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

I have been into reading since last couple of years… I am not an obsessive reader. However, by now, I have read quite a few books, majority of which are non-fiction.
The first time that I heard of this book was 2 years back, during one of the training programs i happened to be attending. I surfed a lot about the subject that the book revolves around i.e “Law of Attraction”. I also had a look at the Video clips on Youtube. But the lazy “me” somehow postponed buying the copy.
Couple of months back, I was reminded of this book once again, while I was discussing with one of my friends. This time, the intentions of owning a copy was much stronger.
To my surprise, after 2 weeks, I got this book as my birthday gift from one of my dearest friends. I am sure; the “Law of Attraction” was the reason ;-)

Well, now that I had this copy. Believe me, I could wait no longer to start reading it… Its indeed a simple book to practise the “Speed Reading” (Radically Increasing your Reading speed - a new technique that I have been practising since last couple of months). This book is very simple and easy to understand. However please don’t misunderstand it as a mere “self help” book.
Byrne has made it a collective learning; about 29 co-contributors have shared their experiences and thoughts about the “Law of Attraction”. Her writing style is unconventional, you almost feel as if she is having a dialogue with you.
I have come across an interesting fact: Human mind is a thought factory which generates about 50,000- 60,000 thoughts per day…these thoughts are immensely powerful.
This book revolves around the philosophy of leading a positive life by using an unlimited potential of positive thoughts. If you can think about it, you certainly can achieve it. Here is how the book explains you –
“We understand that a television station’s transmission tower broadcasts via frequency, which is transformed into pictures. Most of us don’t really understand how it works, but we know that each channel has a frequency and when we tune into that frequency we see the pictures on our television.
You are a human transmission tower and you are more powerful than any television created on earth. Your transmission creates your life and creates the world. The frequency you transmit reaches beyond cities, beyond the world. It reverberates throughout the entire Universe. And you are transmitting that frequency with your thoughts. If you want to change anything in your life, change the channel and change the frequency by changing your thoughts.”
“Law of Attraction” claims to have its roots in quantum physics. According to this law, there exists a strong connection between the energies of thoughts and universe. Its all about how strong is our ‘willpower’. It’s all about the frequency and importantly, the ‘FAITH’.
Your current life is a result of your thoughts, you have been thinking… You can change your life conditions anytime. Only you can become the architect of the successful, healthy and wonderful life. This book further helps you with a mantra, Just 3 simple steps..

Step – I : ASK – Be clear in your mind about what you want and simply ask for it.
Step – II: BELIEVE – Start believing that you have received it. Its difficult to get a hang of it.. but its more of having FAITH and eliminating negative emotions like fear and doubts etc.…
Step – III: RECEIVE – Feel as if you own it and start feeling happy and grateful.

The author helps understand how one can use these steps and brings about a change – a way to possess abundance of Health, Wealth, Joy, Happiness, Money, Relationship and Youth.
Rhonda Byrne, in one of the chapters has emphasized a lot on being Appreciative and being grateful of what we possess. Attitude of Gratitude and an art of GIVING makes one a powerful magnet. The more you GIVE … the more you receive.
I have had a wonderful experience reading this book. I have become more conscious when I am thinking. I would certainly recommend you to buy a copy and experience it for yourself.

I am sure it will make a remarkable change in the way you think, and will certainly transform your life once you start experimenting and start receiving the benefits.